Monday, January 31, 2011


Well I have been thinking about this post and what I will write.
I feel very vulnerable and my emotions are raw......very raw.
Deep breath........
After my ultrasound appointment on Jan.18 (Tuesday) when my DR told me I had a chemical pregnancy,
he said that I would NOT have any large clots. He said there was not placenta or "doll" going to come out!
I know.....whats with the word "doll", that was the DR's words not mine!
DR said, that with a chemical pregnancy the baby never implanted.
 I was relieved to not to have to frantically keep checking the toilet for a I had been all that weekend.

Two days later on Thursday Jan. 20 2011 at 8:50am a large very firm clot dropped out then a gush of blood. There was no mistake about it. It was my baby(embryo) or the start of one. I waited until 9:15 and called the DR's office to see what I should do. I left a message with the nurse to see if DR wanted to sent it to the lab.

Two hours later the nurse called me back....I said "hello", but she was to busy talking to the other nurse to hear me. She was telling her that "she had to call this goofy lady, wish me luck!"
I guess wanting find out answers is goofy! Did the pregnancy fail due to low progesterone?
Does this nurse think a woman that is 42 yrs. old with 6 kids already is goofy to want another child?
My baby DID start to develop! Why did the DR NOT see that?
The nurse informed me that.......
 DR does NOT think the "thing" that came out had ANYTHING to do with my miscarriage!!!!!!
So just flush it or through it away! I am embarrassed to say, it is still in a Ziploc bag in my bathroom!
As a Catholic I wanted to get my Holy Water vessel filled and do a blessing or something.
I was stuck at what to do?

It was also a teary day for me when my DR's office called to let me know, "I had forgotten my ultrasound appointment on Tuesday Jan 25." I forgot to cancel my previously made appointment. So I was reminded of a day that was going to be a joyful one.....when I made the appointment! I guess I was supposed to call and cancel it??????  I figured they would know that I would no longer need it!

I had my neighbor/friend over for lunch a few days later and had a cry. She is of a different faith (I won't say which faith, as I am not writing this to throw my friend and Her faith under my bus).
But is apparent to me that other faiths feel differently about life and death......and when LIFE starts etc...
My neighbor/friend said, "I should just through out my Ziploc bag. I was just being emotional and it was NOT a baby!" She thought I was going overboard to want to bury it in the backyard. I was caught in limbo. I did not really WANT to bury my baby in the backyard. I would be mortified if my dog dug it up! But flushing it or throwing it out in the trash was NOT an option!

I guess I kept blocking things out and finally this weekend the tears came and would not stop.
I talked to our visiting priest (FR. Jerri) at church on Saturday night as I was getting my holy water vessel filled. He told me to call the Catholic Cemetery and they would bury the remains with respect!
So this morning I did just that! I feel tearful but good!
Tomorrow after MOPS I will go to the cemetery and pick out a spot  for the burial and make arrangements. The funeral home needs a day to get the ground and things ready, so the small ceremony and burial will be on Wednesday Feb 2 in the afternoon.

I am pro life. I believe life starts at conception. I am so filled with tears of joy and relief right now.
The Catholic funeral home and cemetery were very kind and understanding. She said, that it is FREE and I am not weird. There are many other miscarried babies there, and I did the right thing!

I will now have to figure out the spelling of this baby's name and pick a middle name!
My baby (embryo) had a SOUL and matters to God. He matters to me and my family!
He should and WILL be treated with respect and dignity.
For that I am truly JOYFUL!

Peace and Love,

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Random pictures of pure joy~

Well I have been wanting to post since my miscarriage {Jan. 20 2011} with baby #7.
There were somethings that transpired after my ultrasound and post titled The Final Answer.
I have not been ready to talk about it.....I feel some what isolated and not sure what I want to share in blog land about my miscarriage. So today I just wanted to let you all know, I thank you for your continued prayers.

I do know that I am a very blessed momma and wanted to share some pictures
of  the joy my kiddos bring to me!

Peace and Joy,

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Yarn Along {and other news}

If you are new to my blog~ Welcome!
I am a fairly new knitter that has yet to see a project to completion! :)
In the photo above:: I have just started a pair of sock for myself.
My knitting teacher from church had to show me how to cast on all over again.
Apparently I did it wrong on my other 2 project hence the reason for the snares.
A good foundation to a project is a wonderful thing.
I don't really want socks with bumps and holes in them from the start! hee hee!

I did buy some dusty blue yarn to make some baby socks.
I WAS pregnant with baby #7 and miscarried last Thursday {Jan. 20}
I was only 8 weeks along but deep down I felt it was going to be a boy.
I got the positive test on Christmas morning!

You can read more here, here and here!

If any of you have also had a miscarriage before and want to share, I love to here from you!

As for reading I have not felt like it.
I HAD been reading Baby and YOU by Dr.OZ.
No need now!
I have been doing word searches in bed at night.

Peace and Blessings,

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Final Answer....

Well as most of you know I had my ultrasound this morning.
My pregnancy with baby #7 was not going well.
The doctor said, I had a Chemical Pregnancy you can read here and here to find out more of what that means.

Our Little Baby Love Bean was lost just days after conception. He did not implant. Most women are a few days late with there period but in my case my body thinks its pregnant. (its not something I can control)  Thus not getting a period for 6 weeks.
I am 8 weeks along......or so I thought. My due date was to be Aug.28 2011
I am still getting a very positive pregnancy test.
My cervix is about 3 cm and firm.....though it should be totally closed (if pregnant), it was firm, as though I was pregnant still. The DR was expecting to find a placenta, yolk sac and a baby that stopped developing. (A blighted ovum) 
To his surprise there was not a sign of placenta,baby or yolk sak.

A  Our baby was conceived {he} was real and has a soul,
though only here just briefly.

Our Little Baby Love Bean is in heaven waiting for us.

Emotionally, I am doing better than I thought I would be.
Better than I was this morning.
Hubby and the kids are disappointed but hubby said, we can just keep trying. {that's his favorite part} hee hee!

My body still thinks its pregnant, so hopefully in a few months I will be able to get pregnant?
Thanks for your continued prayers! :)

I will be making a few phone calls and then taking a nap!
I am drained!

Peace and Love,

Monday, January 17, 2011

Brief Update~ {and post edit}

I want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers :)
 It means a lot to me!
I called the DR today (Monday) and I have an appointment for a ultrasound tomorrow morning.

I have been getting rest, drinking pregnancy tea and raspberry leaf tea.
Saturday I soaked about 1/3 of a pad with very mild cramping.
Sunday I soaked about 2/3 of a pad no cramping.
Today I soaked about 1/3 of a pad and feel pretty good.
No clots on any of the days.

The nurse I talked to today said there can be many causes for the bleeding.
1. placenta privia
2. a twin being lost
3. blight oveumn (pregnancy stopped early on and has not miscarried)
4. trauma to the cervix due to intercourse
5. she also said some people have a period every month of pregnancy (though I find that hard to believe)

The nurse said it sounds as though I have NOT miscarried as of yet.
So please continue to keep me and my baby bean in your prayers.
I will have answers tomorrow and will try to post an update in the afternoon sometime.

Peace and Love,

********POST EDIT********

Well, today is here the morning of my ultrasound........................

One might think today would be exciting and that I would have a "can't wait to find out feeling" see if all is OK.
In my heart of hearts I think I already know the news......things are not good.

How I long for my yesterday back...........

A day of sipping pregnancy tea in my PJ's, watching Property Virgins all day on the Home channel.
Not knowing was starting to feel good.

As I sit here and type, I smell  my Starbucks Winter blend brewing in the cold morning air.
I hear the hum of the furnace working hard to warm the house.
I feel tiny waves of grief lapping at my feet and the tide slowing coming in.
I can only pray that I don't drown in it.

Thank You for your prayers!


Saturday, January 15, 2011

In Need Of Prayers

It was in the early am hours of Christmas Morning (12:30am) when I finally got the double lines on the test.
Yes.....a pregnancy test!  Baby # 7 was on its way. I almost missed the second line because I tossed the test stripe into the garbage BEFORE it was done. Then for some reason I pulled it back out....and was delighted to see 2 lines.
Yep, it had been 17 months of trying and hoping and praying!
Just to be totally sure I was pregnant I took another test at about 7:30 am Christmas Morning. This test was a digital one that would spell it out for you. PREGNANT! I peed in a cup then dipped the stick and quickly hid it in a drawer. Every few seconds I would peek into the drawer only to see a flashing hourglass. Then finally the word
PREGNANT appeared. I was in shock.....happy shock!
Hubby and I wanted to save the news for Valentines Day as then I would have been 12 weeks!

But here is were the prayer comes in..........

Yesterday at about 10:30 am I started to have bleeding. Later in the evening I had some mild cramping.
I have barely soaked a pad but have blood and mucus when I wipe.....every time.(sorry to be so graphic)
It has been 24 hours and my bleeding is the has not increased......but has not stopped.
I think I'm having my first miscarriage?????

My first Dr. visit is scheduled for Jan. 25. its going to be a long week and a half! :(
Has anyone out there had a miscarriage that could give me some advice or leave me a comment (and say if I can publish it or not) Does the bleeding act just like a regular period? When you think you are having a miscarriage should stay home? Could there be a large mass that comes out?
If you leave me a comment let me know if you want me to publish it. Otherwise I will just read it and answer you back in private.

 Has anyone had bleeding in the first 3 months 
and had a pregnancy continue normally?

Please Keep Me and Little one in your prayers.
{ I know God's will be done.........but please pray! Thanks}


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

From The Outside Looking In.....

Picture was taken from our backyard looking into the kitchen as it was snowing......hubby is eating a late dinner.

Last night before bed, we got a bit of snow (about 5 inches)......but last night as we slept and this morning as I type this post it has sadly turned to a cold Northwest rain. Over the holiday my hubby had a guy come fix our gas fireplace. :)
It has been out of commission for about 3 years as the pilot light would not stay lite. We now have heat when the power goes out......which has happened 3X already this winter!
Well it is the middle of the week (and the middle of the month) and things here at the Bluebird Cottage are going great.
We all seemed have done quite well falling back into our daily routines after our 2 week break in December for Christmas and New Year. Well I have some chores to do and coffee to make so.......
I wish you a happy productive day!

Peace and Joy,

Monday, January 10, 2011

Second Chance Book Reveiw::

The book Second Chances is a book about a boy with autism that adopts a shelter dog.
I read this book to three of my kiddos age 8,5, and 3 to see how they liked it. It was hard for them to follow all the characters. My oldest son wanted to know what autism was, the book did not go into detail on the topic.  My younger kiddos 2 wanted more pictures.
I thought the book was hard to follow for a children's book but did like the over all storyline. For me the book fell short and the pages were to long. I do think it is great that some of the money goes to the Humane Society. I also like that the book touches on the subject of adoption.

Book review by


Here is a bit about the author

Sandra J. Gerencher Bio:

Sandra J. Gerencher is a special education teacher in the Bangor Area public school system. Prior to becoming a teacher, she worked at Lehigh University in a school-based program, as a Program Specialist for adults with disabilities. Over the past 20 years she has worked with children and adults with special needs in such areas as counseling, Behavior Specialist Consultation, behavioral research, crisis intervention and abuse therapy. Sandra graduated from Lehigh University with a M.Ed. in Special Education (2004) and from Chestnut Hill College in Philadelphia with an M.S. in Counseling Psychology (1999).

Here are some links to the authors websites and book buying info.


PBS Kids Recommended title

Book web site

Sandra J. Gerencher Facebook:

Tribute Books website:

Tribute Books Facebook:

Tribute Books Twitter:

Buy links:


Thank you Tribute Books for the chance to participate in this review.
 I had fun being a part of the Second Chance book tour.

Peace and Joy,

Friday, January 7, 2011

Dreamy Christmas Photos Taken With My New Camera.....

Peace and Love,

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A Sneak Peak.....

Here is a sneak peak at a book I am reading for a book review due Monday Jan. 10
Second Chance is a children's book about adoption and autism.

Peace and Joy,

Sunday, January 2, 2011

The 3 Wisemen Came Baring Gifts......

The Christmas Season continues........
with the Epiphany

Three of my six kiddos got to be the Wisemen and carry gifts to the nativity at the start of Mass and then bring the bread and wine up during the preparation of the gifts~

Peace and Joy of the season to you all!